I feel stupid. Really, I do. I have 2 C’s, 1 B-… (actually, in another class, it probably would’ve been considered a C+), and only 2 A’s… and those are in my REGULAR classes.
I feel discouraged…. and just… ALONE in this little, tiny world. WHY AM I NOT DOING AS WELL AS I SHOULD???
I thought i was doing GREAT, because I got a 75% on this essay in lang. arts that we got back today, but i turn to others around me, and.. they all got B’s and A’s. WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE?
i guess I want to rant here. cuz I’m frustrated. but you know what? If i can persevere through this tough time, i can get through ANYTHING.

Spiritual-ness?

I want to go on a missions trip this year. This is one of my “spritual” goals for this upcoming year, 2007. I’m going to be praying to see where God leads me, but I want to go somewhere. Going to Mexico with our church would be fine, or I want to go to China with “Royal Servants International”… but that’s heck of a lot of time…. and money. But it would be cool if I could do that, because I think they spend a lot of time just training and sharing… I could also use my Chinese and help talk/maintain friendships and hopefully bring people to Christ.
I think God really is humbling me right now, because I’m not in orchestra…. I’m really bitter about it because something I really wanted to do was to make orchestra, and if I’m not in it, I don’t know… I don’t really want to be in Wind Ensemble, especially because it won’t be as fun…. *sigh*

ugh. back to school. and just when I was enjoying break and SAT stuff with all my new friends. It’s kinda saddening to think about it. There’s so much stuff on my mind, so sorry if I’m a little rambly today….
I wanna drive… been wanting to get my license for a year now, but
A) Don’t have a car
B) mom hasn’t even scheduled a behind the wheel (2nd one) for me!!.. .uggh. stupid.
Decathlon competition… i totally pwned last year, so I’m hoping to do the same this year… but alas, I don’t have any time.
FINALS-… uggghhhh. stresses me out. only two more weeks?!.. and i have C’s in Physics/Calculus and a B- in language arts. UGH. I’m going to DIEEEEEEEEE!!.. (not really)..

omg. Mr. Murray isn’t teaching 5th period next smester.. so either we get to switch to a different teacher, or we have to stay in the same class but get a new teacher, (most likely mrs. amann).. but i don’t know how her teaching is… so I wanna switch to Thomas’ class…
IDEALLY I’d wanna do APUSH… but…. i know THAT isn’t gonna happen… unless God somehow performs a MIRACLE and i end up getting into APUSH if Murray lets me, and I’m able to catch up and KEEP up with everyone else AND know all the information to do well on the AP exam..
then again, I highly DOUBT it. >[

lauren visited today. haha. felt kinda weird cuz I haven’t talked to her in FOREVER. Part of me wants to go to Simon’s Rock for college also,.. but I know I’m not as smart as lauren, so I wouldn’t be able to keep up with everyone there…. *sigh*

life is too hard.

“when can I retire?”