A Teacher’s Comfort

This blog  entry was very sweet. =) I almost cried when I read it… Whoever she is had an accident in kindergarten and she felt loved because her teacher/nurse never embarassed her.
I think a lot of the time, I want teachers to hold me by the hand and tell me everything is going to be alright. I’ve written so many nostalgic posts now, between blogger and this thing that it’s just crazy. But, every time I am too scared to ask, I think of myself way back when in elementary school and how teachers noticed when you were having trouble and knelt down by your side to tell you that it was going to be alright.
I think that’s what I really want, a teacher who will hold me by the hand and smile at me and give me a safe and bubbly feeling inside.
AND
her last line reflects ME…
“Everytime I feel ashamed in my life, everytime I feel too scared to speak up, everytime I feel unsure of what I should do, I ALWAYS think about that little girl in the apron who would rather pee her pants then raise her hand to ask a simple question like “May I please go potty?” And I realize that 29 years later, I would still rather piss on myself then do what I need to do in my life because I’m too scared. “

except I’m not even near 29 years old…

Wow

I think I’ve been procrastinating too much..uh, I think by now it would be considered “yesterday”
Yup. I managed to pull an all-nighter and STILL, I haven’t finished my Chapter 42 outline.
It’s 6:10 AM. O.O
Hrm.
I think I’m going to get some shut-eye… and wake up in an hour. and try to finish this thing

Happy Hannahchristmakwanzica :)

Well, it’s not time yet, but the holidays are rapidly approaching. I feel that I can’t enjoy my break, though. It’s Friday, December 21, 2007, and my winter break has just started, but there’s only 2 million things going around in my brain. The fact that I never gave Mrs. Free my career research paper, (I emailed it to myself, but forgot to print it out.. how smart of me..) and she told me that she doesn’t accept emails of… essays and such (after talking to Daniel Phung earlier today). Then, there’s the ever looming dooming trouble of AP Bio. I forgot to take my flies with me, I never got to talk to Mrs. O today, and it’s 7:07 PM, and Mrs. O still hasn’t emailed me back…. my email is now a day old, and I’m past my drop deadline for AP Bio.
Can you feel the pressure?

I got homework in….
AP Bio
AP Government
AP Spanish

mmmhmm. and I’m gonna get a D, and not be in CSF next semester How depressing…. seriously, CSF is the best thing that has happened to me, Mrs. Bobbitt AND Mrs. Oberle as adviors… I don’t think anything can get better!
Can miracles like that (getting a C-) still happen, even though I’ve screwed my life up A LOT?

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As I’ve been saying, I think I got myself into BIGGG doo-doo this time. What I mean is that I’m currently failing bio… yup. I have an F. a 40% (well, on Mrs. Oberle’s scale, it’s a 50%). But still, it’s HORRIBLE. And, to make matters worse, mom called her the other day. I had TOLD mom that Mrs. Oberle and I had a talk and I turned in all my homework, but I HAD NOT. So, yeah. Mom wasn’t too happy with me yesterday and she told me that Mrs. Oberle told her that it would be hard for me to bring the grade up to a passing grade by semester and so Mom now wants me to drop AP Bio.
The only thing is that I don’t want to drop, regardless of how crappy my grade is right now. So, this morning, Mrs. Oberle called me over to her desk saying “you’re so funny” when I went to go talk to her…. and she told me about everything mom and I said. She asked for my opinion that it was ultimately my decision whether I wanted to drop or not. So, now I’m in this huge dilemma and I don’t know what to do. I COULD drop and have 2 free periods, and bring up my grades in all my other AP classes, OR I could stay and risk getting a D at semester, but have all C’s in my other classes. I dunno what is better though.
It all depends how much I want to bring up my grade, and how much I want to do it….. :/
This ALL could have been prevented if I had talked to Mrs. Oberle about my situation in the beginning…. BEFORE that first missing assignment. This has been happening all throughout high school. Freshman year, it was with Mr. Tivenan. Sophomore year with Mrs. Grosse, last year with Mr. Obe, and this year with Mrs.? I’m getting sick of this…each time the teachers say “I’m not going to bite” but each year, the same process occurs–and the problem is, I KNOW all this, but when it comes time to actually communicate with teachers, I’m scared. I freeze up and don’t know what to do. I fear for my life and instead of communicating with teachers my problems, I implode on myself and hide everything, just to pretend that everything is fine. I know I can’t keep on with this process. Next year, when and IF I get into one of the good UC schools, classes aren’t going to be only 30something people large. I’m going to have at least 100 to 200 people in each of the classes that I’m taking, and if I want to be successful in college, I really need to get over my fear of communicating with teachers.
I read online yesterday, that I actually have a PHOBIA, it’s not just shyness. I have this thing called “social phobia”. Basically, people with social phobia are afraid to talk to teachers, and being in social envionronments. What’s most interesting is that I fit all the criteria for social phobia.
So, yeah. This year’s grande problemo. and I consider myself an AP student? OHMYGAWD.